marriage or something like it

by Sarah on May 9, 2009

in Daniel,Life,Marriage

So I have been dating Daniel since 1998 minus a 1 year hiatus. We have been married going on 4 years now. I can’t believe were the time goes. But lately we have fallen into a somewhat slump. I am being polite when I say that. It is actually a heart-wrenching, make you want to watch “Twilight” a trillion times, where the fuck did the romance go, dry-spell.

Now I understand that people by nature tend to be a bit of a liar, for example, only posting the most awesome photos and updates on Facebook and Myspace. When I started this blog, I had the same idea. I wanted to keep everything witty and light-hearted, but that is just not reality.

About a year ago there was a wave of wedding photos popping up all over the pages of former high school classmates. Now the trend seems to be babies. I have a game with myself that before I login to my Facebook account I will try to guess who’s profile picture will have changed into a black & white ultrasound of a tadpole. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for everyone. And although everyone shares nothing but good times, new husbands, new houses, and new babies, I am inclined to believe that they are generally satisfied with there lives. And I want all of that. The whole package.

Currently for me I am not satisfied. I want the fireworks back. Is it guaranteed that every marriage will eventually lose the magic? I don’t want to believe that. If that was the case then why would anyone get married? Joint income, health insurance, and tax deductions are just not enough for me.

Daniel and I have a plan to wait to have a baby for another 3 years or so. It is really his plan that I have grown to accept. I am supposed to finish film school by 2012, then work for a year, then have a baby. That would put me at about 33 years old. In Daniel’s mind it is the perfect little plan. I would love to have a baby right now, but he can’t even stomach the idea. He is going to be 30 next month and it seems that will every birthday he has become less of an adult. This year he wants a moped for his birthday. All this would be fine if he was rocking my world right now. We should be having the time of our lives, since we are without any heavy responsibilities.

We took a short trip to Hawaii last weekend to visit with some friends. I knew beforehand that Daniel would be preoccupied with the guys and there activities, (i.e. drinking, drinking, drinking, and renting mopeds.) I even told him to go without me, but he insisted saying that it wouldn’t be fun otherwise. However, I didn’t even get one romantic evening or even a romantic dinner with him. NOT ONE!!! Which gives me some heavy ammo against him for a long time. Perhaps he is going through a quarter-life crisis? Or maybe he is just an idiot. I think it is the latter.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Kristina May 9, 2009 at 11:30 am

I am a big believer in “preventitive medicine” so I try to read books on this subject in the hopes of stopping a rut before it starts. I think you should give this book a try, “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.” It has really helped me a lot to see that Romance is not something only a man can bring to the marriage and that men are anything but complex. They really only require basic things to be happy. Don’t hang on to that weekend in Hawaii as ammo or you won’t progess even an inch in a positive direction. Make sure his time with you is filled mostly with positive experiences and encouraging heartfelt words. Give him a reason to want to hurry home each night/morning and snuggle up to his loving, sexy wife. He’ll come around on that baby thing once he feels your lifestyles are each where they need to be. It may not be 3 full years…it could be less. But trust in him that his reasoning is honest and for the good of your family.

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