October 2008

Wild Kingdom

by Sarah on October 8, 2008

in Chloe loves Thor

Daniel, Thor, and Kiki

That white object in the lower left corner is Kiki (looking straight into the camera). She is a vicious, squealing, feathered, maniac cockatoo. Thor is well aware of this and is using Daniel as a bodyguard.

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Should I feel offended?

by Sarah on October 8, 2008

in Family,Nada

My mother, The Balance-To-The-Penny Bookkeeper Extraordinaire, just purchased a long overdue iPhone last night. She was testing out all the ring tones with my father, deciding what should play when he calls her. She came upon “Duck,” which makes a delightful quacking sound. Simultaneously, in perfect stereo, they exclaimed “That should be Sarah!”

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Christmas is coming.

by Sarah on October 7, 2008

in Chloe loves Thor

Thor as reindeer

I found this picture of Thor from a few years ago. Tears were welling up in his eyes as he was begging me “Please mama, I don’t wanna be a reindeer.” Oh, how I love the holidays.

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How is this a compliment?

by Sarah on October 6, 2008

in Daniel,Life

Yesterday I was laying on the sofa when Daniel comes up to me and points out the insignificant, barely noticeable, no point in even mentioning if you value your life, stretch marks on my outer thigh. This was mistake number one. Mistake number two was saying to me “My baby got thick real quick.” Seriously, did he just say thick? A women does not like ANY of her body to be referred to as THICK. Perhaps you can be speaking of her boobs, but then the word would be voluptuous, never ever, no way in hell do you say thick. In my mind, “thick” is just a stone’s throw away from “fat.”

He then tries to redeem himself by saying that the words (that he just vomited out of his mouth) were in fact a compliment. A COMPLIMENT! Daniel tries to explain by saying that I had stretch marks 10 years ago when we first started dating. (Yes, he is STILL talking about them.) The conversation continues with me wondering how he can be so stupid, and him saying that the stretch marks just mean that I grew from a child into a women fast, hence causing stretch marks. By this point I still don’t see where the compliment was hiding. (And if he says “stretch marks” one more time I will be forced to spike his coffee with laxative tonight.)

Daniel then says that I misunderstood everything that he was saying, and that what he was actually thinking was “Boy, you are sexy.” Why the fuck couldn’t he just say that from the start. Let me make it very clear. . . stretch marks DO NOT equal sexy!

I wonder what he will be saying after I have a baby. . .

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Not just 15, but 17 beans.

by Sarah on October 5, 2008

in Daniel,Life

Last night Daniel and I cooked soup from scratch. For other couples this might be ordinary, but for us this is quite remarkable. I say this because generally Daniel will turn his nose up at anything that I want to prepare, usually having something to do with the presence of tofu or the lack of melted cheese.

Plus, I don’t cook very well. I am not very coordinated in the kitchen and most often, I don’t even enjoy the food I make. But last night was an exception. At 10:30 in the evening we peeled, chopped, stirred, and simmered. And by 1:00 in the morning, the “17 Bean & Barley Soup” was done. I am considering it a success. Daniel is excited to eat it and I didn’t cut any fingers off. Be proud of me.

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