September 2008

Caution: Snot Ahead

by Sarah on September 26, 2008

in Life

I hate being sick. Seriously. I really hate it. I despise the head-splitting headache, the constant stream of snot, my eyeballs feeling like they are going to be sucked into my brain by all the pressure building up in my skull, and the way my head feels like it is going to implode at any moment from blowing my nose to hard. Needless to say, I take a different approach to being ill than Daniel does. I need to be babied and Daniel’s philosophy is “suck it up, move on, and go to work.”

If I had my wedding to do over again I would make the “in sickness and in health” the opener of our vows. The priest should have said, “Daniel, do you take Sarah as your wife and promise to take care of her when she is a whiny, snot-dripping maniac, who needs sympathy everytime she sneezes, and constant reassurance that she will get better?” And then the look on Daniel’s face would have ruined the photos.

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A couple weeks ago Thor had a routine dental cleaning at Vanderhoof Veterinary Hospital. So now I am supposed to brush his teeth daily to keep his teeth pearly white. I am proud to say that I haven’t missed a day yet. However, if Thor could talk, I am sure he would have some choice words for me about his new evening routine.

Every night I sit on the floor and call his name. He knows without even seeing me that he wants nothing to do with anything I have to offer. I usually have to beg him to come to me, for what seems like forever because it is usually the middle of the night and I am so tired that I barely want to brush my own teeth let alone his. Finally he will slither over to me with the same look on his face every time. The look that says “I know that is a toothbrush in your hand, but you are going to use it to slowly pry open my chest and remove my kidney.”

Eventually I finagle his mouth open and brush his teeth with his own special chicken-flavored toothpaste. The whole procedure takes me less than a minute, and afterward he continues with his usual perky self. However, I guarantee that tonight I will call his name and he will shoot me a look that says, “I know that I survived last night and the night before, but tonight I AM SURE that you ARE going to use that toothbrush to slowly pry open my chest and remove an organ.”

Daniel is off from work tonight. It is his turn to inflict the inhumane torture on our poor innocent Thor, so his breath won’t smell like ass for one more day.

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I want to be popular

by Sarah on September 10, 2008

in Life,Likes

I saw Wicked the Musical last night at the Pantages Theatre. It was so frickin’ awesome, I want to see it again. I was lucky enough to break out my friend, Ana Banana, from the cage that her husband and 2 beautiful kids so lovingly built for her. They don’t let her out much, so we had a blast. (Ana, I bet you didn’t think I would write that!)

Ana & I enjoyed the first Act so much, when the curtain fell we were so happy and satisfied (you’d think we just rolled out of bed with Brad Pitt,) that we forgot about intermission and were ready to go home. For two educated women, it was pretty pathetic that we thought the show was over. It didn’t even dawn on us that the actors hadn’t taken their bows. It was just that good. My mom had to remind us that there was a second Act, (you mean we get to climb back into bed with Brad?)

The moral of the story: GO SEE WICKED!

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Ironic

by Sarah on September 5, 2008

in Daniel,Marriage

I believe that in a typical marriage it is not uncommon for a wife to ask her husband to bring home milk after work. At the very least, this seems like a relatively simple task. It does not require incredible human strength or an IQ greater than Einstein. It is not as revolting as unclogging a toilet or as tedious as matching socks. However, for the life of me, I can’t get Daniel to accomplish this little request of milk. And he works in a fucking supermarket.

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A shoo-in for president.

by Sarah on September 3, 2008

in Nada

Bring out the ballots. . . Check out who I am voting for here.
(On a side note. . . I think my dad Dennis, The Piano Guru, is absolutely hilarious.)

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